Saturday, December 25, 2004

The Scorpio Test Drive

Milwaukee Maestro and Perpetual Whiner came to my house one day. Milwaukee Maestro wanted to buy a Mahindra Scorpio badly. Of course he had to test-drive it first. Casanova and even the great Bike Push were also present. (I know it is a surprise, but yes. Bike Push decided one fine morning that he had to come and mee his old friends. Of course, he came in his Suzuki Samurai. Such mundane travel doesn't require the services of an RD-350.)

The 5 of us set out for the test drive. We got into a brand new Scorpio and got to Inner Ring Road. Here the driver gave the keys to Milwaukee Maestro. This guy started driving like a maniac, brake-testing quite a few vehicles on the way. Whiner and Casanova later told me that the middleseats were pretty comfortable, but Bike Push and I were hanging on for our dear lives. After taking a couple of rounds on Inner Ring Road, we reached back the show room. But, just when we thought that our ordeal was over, Maestro drove past the show room and famously exclaimed "I want to drive through a Bad Road". All that Milwaukee accent was difficult for us to comprehend, but we got the jist of it. Another roller coaster ride later we were back in the showroom. On the way back to my house, Maestro again exclaimed, "Life is Pond". Even after countless, interpretations and re-interpretations, to this day we have never been able to make out what he meant. Maybe, sometimes Life is indeed Pond.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

The Marriage

We all went for Bride Seeker's marriage. It was a really glamorous affair. Wild Man did not come as he had his own axes to grind. A certain soft spot towards a certain somebody who works with him and who was in a fix and needed help and so on and so forth. It took us almost an hour to get this out of his mouth, though.

Perpetual Whiner told us the details of how Bride Seeker finally managed to find a bride. This was the 27th proposal that came his way and already he had lost hope. With a receding hairline and advancing age, who wouldn't. Even we knew that his chances were slim, but of course we wouldn't tell him. But when he went to meet the 27th girl, the one on one interview lasted 3 hours (according to eye-witnesses). And it ended with Bride Seeker losing all hope. He called up Milwaukee Maestro, who was waiting for him at a hotel, and told him about it. But as they started packing for their return journey back to their home-town, the 27th girl called again and asked for another interview. Bride Seeker rushed to the spot, had another round, this time lasting 4 hours and clinched the deal.

Of course, it was a surprise for all of us, but what surprised us even more was that he chose to be smug about it. As if it was all in a days work.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

A Few More Knights of the Round Table

Milwaukee Maestro as the name suggests, was in Milwaukee for a long time and the people and culture there kinda rubbed off on him. We hardly understand the English when he speaks.

Otto von German, is an Indian who has visited Germany a couple of times. But he still speaks English with a distinctive South Indian accent. Otto as in auto-rickshaw. According to him, he was once mistaken as an Irish guy, but according to Bike Push that was in a guys only nightclub somewhere in Florida.

Firebrand Phoney was a firebrand in college, with leftist leanings. But a defeat in the elections put an end to his fire-breathing. He is now a total bourgeois, and even argues for the capitalists' sake. My my, times do change.

Army Man, has an interesting story. He was my colleague until recently. He checked out close to 20 prospective brides before he decided on the right one a la the Bride Seeker. And finally without going into details I would say, that, there was this army connection, and hence the name.

Casanova has a way with girls. At least he thinks so. I will not say anymore, as he is now engaged.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Sunshine on my Shoulders

The other day I went to a barber shop with Wild Man in tow. We gave the barber the shock of his life. Wild Man, realizing the situation, immediately told the barber that he had come for a shave and not a hair-cut. It was then that the barber started breathing easy.

The barber put some hair-clips (the kind that girls wear) on Wild Man's flowing locks, in order to get a direct access to his beard. It was truly a sight to behold. Wild Man sitting with his more-than-shoulder-length hair, neatly put on hold by two giant hair-clips. I choked down a laugh and looked around to see if anybody had noticed. Well, all of them were busy looking at the amazing spectacle.

Sun really did shine that day. The clouds had gone and the hitherto unseen parts of Wild Man's face glistened with sun rays.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Depleting Resources

Fear Factor too announced a week back that he was following the footsteps of the Patriot and quitting India. This is going to reduce our once mighty weekend gang of 15 to a mere 3. Just Wild Man, Seemingly Silent and Me. District Committee would drop in once in a while. Bike Push has his own axes or rather axles to grind. Robot is under strict diet control and his parents are here to enforce it. Lazy Lozenge is, well, you figure it out.

Robot and Bike Push are room-mates. But Bike Push hardly goes that way now-a-days for fear of Robot's parents. He usually sleeps in the house of Fear Factor, his old school chum. Now that Fear Factor is going, I have this uneasy, nagging feeling that he is going to pile on to us.

Bride Seeker finally managed to find a bride. He has not told this to us yet. Thanks to some excellent spy work by Perpetual Whiner, we are in the know. Seems he is gonna get married by November. He is waiting to surprise us with his wedding announcement soon. Hope he doesn't see this post before that.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

The Friendly Neighbourhood Gentleman

Patriot finally managed to quit India. He landed a job with a body shopper and flew off to dream land. This has made our weekend get together less entertaining. Patriot with his no nonsense attitude used to liven up the whole place. Many a times, Gentle Giant and Patriot had had arguments over God, Supreme Being etc. Well, these things go above my head, so I used to keep quiet. Usually the discussion ends at around 12:30 am in the night when our neighbour pounds our windows with a long stick. He usually yells "There is a bedroom out here, and people have to sleep". Profound words, if you ask me. People do have to sleep.

Our neighbour is an artist. There is no end to his plight, when it comes to unruly neighbours like us. Believe me, we do not want to hurt the poor guy in any way. But once in a while things get out of hand, as in these God discussions. One day he came up to me and threatened to call the police. We are kind of quiet after that.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004


Long time since I posted anything. I even got a comment on my last post from a fan. He/She (I hope it is a She) wanted to know what happened after the jaundice experience. In fact a lot has happened since then. Here is the update.

Gentle Giant came back from France and announced that he has decided to part ways with his new job. Wasn't very surprising 'coz of many reasons. Since he landed in this city, in February, in a span of 6 months he had changed 4 jobs already. His new job is based in the capital city.

'The Magnificent Seven' who got jaundice are still recovering. You know, it is a long process. The latest hot topics of gossip has become the SGPT and SGOT counts. For the uninitiated, it is some long named Greek sounding enzymes that your liver is supposed to produce.

Around August, Perpetual Whiner too contracted jaundice. This was indeed the worst of times for him, having recuperated from Chicken Pox just a few months back. Well, the fun part is he went to a doctor in a supposedly good hospital and she gave him typhoid medications. Poor chap was so down and out by the third day, that he had to be sent home to his parents to get over it.

Sunday, July 18, 2004


Forgot to tell you. Seemingly Silent came back. I did not go to the airport to pick him up. He came on his own. Spent a fortune on the taxi too.
Seemingly Silent started relating his Canada experiences. At 4:30 in the morning. I finally did end up losing my sleep. And the very day he arrived, I was diagnosed with jaundice.
After 3 weeks, the worst of it is over now. My affliction as well as his fiction.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

The Software Mogul

Great White Hope has a software company. Rather had one. He had started one sometime back. It was going well for a while. The Guitar-craze put an end to it. Well, someone has to take rock music forward !!

Recently, I heard from his friend and secretary that he has suddenly regained interest in software building business and has started recruiting people. "Good for him", I said.

More recently, we all got a mail from him, asking to check out his latest rock recordings. Now what should I say ? Anyway check out Mind you, the site may be down most of the time.

Saturday, July 10, 2004


Robot went to Taiwan for a few days' trip. Official, of course. He came back, complained of viral fever, and went home for a few days rest. Bike-Push, his room-mate, too started having dizzy spells. Turned out they were both suffering from jaundice. Then the rush started. One by one, District Committee, Bride Seeker and Fear Factor too went home complaining of jaundice. The last one to get infected was yours truly. Wait, that's what everybody thought.

One day, I called up Lazy Lozenge from my home, to enquire about his well being. He started screaming at me. Poor chap. He too contracted the disease, and was admitted in a good but cut-throat hospital. Mind you, in Allopathy, there is no cure for Jaundice. The only prescribed medication is 'complete rest'. It is heart-breaking to think of the bill presented to Lazy Lozenge from the hospital. And that too, just for using their bed for a couple of days.

Sadly, Wild Man from Borneo somehow escaped the Jaundice epidemic.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Once upon a time in Bombay...

In February I was in Bombay on an Official visit. Went for 2 days and came back after a month. You know clients. They can be pushy. Well, they were in a jam and we had the moral responsibility to help them out. Especially since they got into the jam because of us. Wait a minute, that is not my point. The point is I met a few old friends there. I met the software engineer who quit software engineering to become a film-maker (Last I heard of him was he was thinking of joining the Industry back). A good friend. He can kill panthers with his bare hands (So he claims). I also met the software engineer who quit software engineering to become an NGO activist. He was desperately trying to get out of the NGO business.

The lesson learned : Do not quit software engineering.

Friday, July 02, 2004


Did I tell you that all of us were batchmates in college ?? Well.. Yes. Nice old days. Enjoyed 4 years. And then we ended up in this city. Many others did well in their lives since. We.. well, we too did well. The hotellers did prosper once we came to this city. An obscure mechanic, with a small two-wheeler workshop by the highway, also prospered.

Many other car workshops also prospered. Take the case of our Lazy Lozenge's car. Once he was trying to park his car in the basement of his apartment. There was a pillar by the side. As he was backing up, suddenly this pillar just jumped out and moved 2 feet towards the car. Believe me, for no reason, the concrete pillar moved. Poor Lozenge, 5000 rupees down the drain for the scratched door, broken glass etc. That Lozenge is no expert driver is quite another matter. Tell me what could he do, if concrete pillars start behaving like this ? They are supposed to know their place.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

The Marriage Trip

The Wild man from Borneo has a car. We go places in that. The latest trip was to attend a friend's marriage. A dear old chap, who would have been heart-broken, if we hadn't attended.

The first time the issue was discussed was when the Patriot came back after a 3 month stay in his "homeland". He threw a party, as usual, in our house. The party was well attended, again, as usual. The Wild Man, the Patriot (of course), the Bike-Push, the Perpetual Whiner, District Committee, Fear Factor, all attended. The Bike-Push argued with great effort, the futility of attending friends' marriages (in general). The reason laid down was, the married guys no longer come to our bachelor dens etc. Seemed like a lame reason to me. Dunno. The arguments got heated and finally I requested a vote. Everybody except Bike-Push voted an emphatic "Yes, I will attend the marriage".

The day fast approaching, Perpetual Whiner, telephoned me saying he will not be able to attend. Same was the case with Distict Committee. To cut a long story short, the final head count came down to 4. Fear Factor, Patriot, Wild Man and I. Wild Man suggested travelling by his car and we agreed.

The day dawned and the Patriot who had made such big noises against Bike-push on the day of the argument started balking. The reason : (Brace yourself) His girlfriend told him not to go.

Heart-broken at the fact that our dear friend, ditched us for a girl and more heart-broken at the fact that, we didn't have a girlfriend like that (so that we could have ditched him some time in the future), the three of us, Wild Man, Fear Factor and I, set off to see the last bachelor day of a dear friend.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

The Rest

I'll breeze through the rest of the inmates of the "Asylum for the Mentally Challenged"

The Robot has a mechanical way about him. I will not poke fun at him. If it was not for him, I would not have got even pass marks in my Final Year Project in college.

The Perpetual Whiner has the whole world scheming against him. His colleagues, his old classmates, his friends, all of them. One typical complaint, "Guys, yesterday, I was walking down this road and I met this colleague of mine. He didn't say 'Hi'. Not only that, he turned and walked away too. Now that I wonder, my appraisal must have gone bad because this guy must have poisoned my boss's ears etc. blah.. blah.. blah..". All our consolations like "He must not have seen you", "He must have been preoccuppied" falls on deaf ears. Now for all we know, he might not know him even.

Bride Seeker has been in his quest for well over 3 years now. Still no luck.

Fear Factor is so fearful that if a guy in the neighbourhood is down with fever, he will go to the doctor for treatment for suspected typhoid, malaria, jaundice etc.

Lazy Lozenge is so lazy that if he has just done his shitting in a beach, he'll wait for the waves to come and wipe the shit off his ass.

Gentle Giant is an amiable giant who lives life righteously and is on the path to salvation.

District Committee was one of the influential political figures from college days. You throw so much as a wrong glance at him and he will have the party's district committee after you. After an MBA degree, now he has thrown the party's Proletarian policies to the wind and joined an MNC.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Seemingly Silent

Seemingly Silent is in Canada. He is supposed to have come back a few months ago. But always, miraculously (mind you), at the last moment his stay gets extended. The latest is, he is coming back on 28th. Well, I am not going to the airport to recieve him. First thing, he comes at odd hours, like 4:30 in the morning. You lose a good amount of sleep that way. Secondly, even if I get up by 4 am and reach airport by 4:30 am, I might get a call from Canada saying his stay has been extended. Believe me, after waiting for hours in the freezing cold in a singlet, such a call is not
what one looks forward to.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

The Patriot

Enough about friends. The point being, you are reading the blog of a very sane, "no-marbles-rolling-upstairs" kind of a guy.

Still I can't help this one. After the Romantic, the Wild Man from Borneo, the Bike-Push and the Great White Hope, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you, the Patriot. What is so special in this, you might ask. Well, he is the first one after the great Mahatma Gandhi to have started the "Quit India" movement, or rather re-started. Whoa there.. wait a minute.. we thought the Britishers were peacefully sipping Indian tea and smoking India Kings in their colonial mansions back home in England, with only delusions of grandeur for company. Well, who said anything about the Britishers quitting India. Yes, milord. It is the Indians this time who have to quit India. Where to ?? The United Old States, where else ??

The Patriot has a ravenous appetite. You have to see it to believe it. Buckets of rice, disappearing in minutes. Chappathis being gobbled by the dozen.
He once said (It was more like an open question), "Guys, of late I am getting fatter, dunno why". We consoled him, "Dear, it must be the combined effects of the sudden climate change and the El Nino and the impending Iraq War. Don't you worry about it".

He is an avid trekker. The lazy guys in our usual trekking gang (includes me) usually forms a committee to veto the suggestions put forward by him. To tell you the truth, it not only makes our life easier, but makes his life easier too. Fact being, enthusiasm apart, he is just another pot-bellied not-fully-fit guy like us. (Ooops.. girls, please ignore the previous sentence).

More crazy friends

This guy has another obsession. He wants to be a caucasoid. Of course he knows that it is impossible to alter the bone structure etc., but he feels he can be white. a la Michael Jackson. From the brown Indian to the white American, or rather the White Indian. In fact he is so obsessed that, he has already spent a fortune on it. The result, well that is the sad part.

In the mean time, he started learning guitar. Self learning, mind you. After two years, he is now a guitar player. A good one at that. He has really learnt the ropes, or rather strings in this case. He once made me listen to Californication by Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Really good, I even exclaimed that this seems to be an unplugged version etc. Then I realized that it was recorded by him. Vocals, Lead, Base and Rhythm, all credit goes to the great white hope.

All said and done, he is one of the most brilliant people I have met on this planet. (I will tell you about my inter-planetary sojourns later).

Monday, January 12, 2004

What the title means and other stories

Well.. I am not a Rock 'n Roll star. Nor am I a multi-millionaire who can afford to live life the "Rock 'n Roll way".

Then who am I ?? Just an uninteresting 26-something guy who leads a drab and uninteresting life ?? Well yes. Not that I dont like 20-something babes hanging around my neck, but thats the way it is. Yes, maybe now you can close this window and move on to other interesting things.

I have a friend whose interests range from "Universe" to "Child Psychology". I can understand the second one as it stemmed from a desperate attempt to woo a "girl". But "Universe" ?? Never could get that. More on that later.

Now, I dont claim such interests. My Dad wanted to make me a good artist. He probably thought otherwise, when he saw my drawings, and started concentrating on my sister. She did become a good one at that, I should add.

But then, my interests do span various realms. Mundane stuff like reading comics, more mundane stuff like, well, I'll go into that later. The point is there is nothing exotic. So there. Is it a miracle that babes don't dig me ??

I have another friend who started growing his hair. The last time he went to the barber was on August 11th, 2002. (I have heard it so many times from him that the date is imprinted in my head). Well, it has grown so long that it gives him, frequent bouts of fever, due to water clogged hair etc. Now he wants to cut it off. The day dawns and invariably a person appears, who comments on his hair. Good or bad, it becomes an ego issue and there you are. (Hope he doesn't see this blog, as he happens to be my room-mate).

More on friends. This guy loves his RD350. Don't ask what an RD350 is. As per him, it is renowned the world over. Still, I'll let you in on the secret. It is a two-wheeler from the Neanderthal Era. You don't ride it. You just push it. Most of the RD lovers claim that it can be driven at least 10% of the way. Still you have a laborious 90% push ahead. There is a club of RD lovers in our city. They meet every Friday night, to discuss what is wrong with their bike. You see, it is a never ending experience. Now I am planning to buy one too.

So you see, I am one of the sanest guys you can meet. (Are the babes listening ?).